Parenting in the Digital Age

In a tropical country like the Philippines, a family outing is just a drive away no matter what time of the year. We are fortunate that way. So take advantage. But, in case you need convincing, here are a few not-so-typical reasons from experts on why you should pack your bags and get out of the house:





1. Spending on vacations is better than spending on toys.
Rather than spending on an expensive new toy for your child and finding he’s bored with it a week later, use the money for travel instead, psychologist and best-selling author Oliver James told The Telegraph. “Family holidays are valued by children, both in the moment and for long afterward in their memory. So if you’re going to spend money on something, it’s pretty clear which option makes more sense.”

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2. Travel is beneficial to your child’s brain development
“What is less widely known is that holidays can also advance brain development in children,” Dr. Margot Sunderland, a child psychotherapist and Director of Education and Training at The Centre for Child Mental Health in the UK, said in another article for The Telegraph.

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3. Both parents and kids need to de-stress.
Adults aren’t the only ones who experience stress from the pressures of everyday life. In a 2015 survey of 754 kids, researchers found that 79 percent of 8- to 14-year-olds say they regularly experience stress. On the other hand, 77 percent report feeling no stress when their parents take a break from work to spend time with them. “Parents who want to help their kids reduce stress should consider using a vacation day,” read the report.

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4. Memories from family vacations can act as “happiness anchors”
Did you know that the UK has a national charity that helps struggling families go on vacation together? It’s called the Family Holiday Association, and in 2015 they conducted a study that sheds light on the long-term benefits of family vacations.

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5. Taking pictures can make you happier.
We don't need a study to tell us that looking at our family photos is happiness. But if you want to know research from the Yale School of Management found that “the act of taking pictures (whether it’s on a bus tour or eating out at a restaurant) boost people’s engagement with and enjoyment of whatever activity they’re participating in.” That is, as long as picture taking is not intrusive to the actual activity, the study notes. So you can take as many photos of the kids as you want on vacation, but remember to put down the camera as well. You can't fully experience an activity or a simple moment if your eye is always looking at the camera.

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Source: smartparenting.com

The writer may be talking about a teen who can’t stay in a conversation for more than a minute because as soon as she hears that Ping! on her phone, she’s off and running. Or it could be that a parent is asking out for help because his six year old flies into a rage whenever Daddy says it time to turn off the iPad.



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I’d be a fool if I suggested that there was a one-size-fits-all approach to such a complex issue. But there are a few things I have found to be true. (For more, please click here to join me for a webinar on Feb 15th as I explore this topic in depth with Dr. Victoria Dunckley, author of Reset Your Child’s Brain.’’)



Strengthen connection.
Many children turn to their devices because it’s the only game in town. While it’s true that our fifteen year old may roll her eyes at us if we suggest a game of Monopoly, I can’t count the number of times that kids have privately confessed to me to me that their parents are always busy. Youngsters who feel liked and enjoyed on a regular basis by parents who seek their company (not to remind them about homework but simply to hang out) are far more willing to unplug. Whether you concoct a new dessert together or , challenge your son to a Connect Four championship, make time for real-world activities with your kids and they’ll be more willing to cooperate when it’s time to unplug.

Talk—and listen.
Some kids complain of intolerable boredom when we suggest they turn off their screens. Others are afraid of what might be said behind their back on social media if they go offline. Encourage your kids to share their objections when you suggest that they engage with the 3D world, and then listen, without scolding, shaming, or giving unwanted advice.

Don’t be afraid of their upset.
I wish parents were less fearful of their children. Yes, your kids may pitch a fit if you tell them that six hours of non-stop video gaming is not an option, but children are comforted by parents who are willing to hold a line. Make peace with the likelihood that your children will sometimes be unhappy with your decisions. It’s okay if they think you’re the meanest mom who ever lived. Be kind and acknowledge their frustration, but don’t be afraid to set limits.

Model healthy habits.
It’s all well and good to suggest that our kids go play outside. But how easy is it for you to resist the urge to check in one last time at work, or take a quick look at what your pals are up to on Facebook?. If you spend hours every night in front of your screen, or interrupt conversations with your kids when you get a text message, your kids aren’t going to take you very seriously when you extol the virtues of the 3D world. Take a walk, pick up a book, or plunk yourself down in front of the piano. When your kids see you having the kind of fun that doesn’t require a plug or a battery, they’ll be more inclined to follow suit.

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Source: huffingtonpost.com

Since the beginning of time, new technology weaves itself through each generation, making its mark on those who use it, for good or bad.


If history defines each leap of evolution, what will it say about today’s smartphone and tablet usage not only for us adults, but our children?



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According to a recent study, the average adult looks at his or her smartphone more than 150 times per day. Other numbers estimate 56 percent of children between the ages of 10 and 13 own a smartphone.

But what about younger children, ages 2 to 6 let’s say? In my home, both my youngsters (ages 3 and 5) have a Kindle. My wife and I recently purchased them for Christmas (Shhhh, Santa brought them!) in an effort to not only keep them busy for long car rides, but to offer educational games and learning tools they just can’t get from a Jack In The Box.

ABC Mouse, ABC Ninjas, YouTube for kids, among others, are my kids’ favorites. My son A.J. can operate a flight simulator like nobody’s business.

In today’s world, even young children can fully operate these devices. Sometimes better than their parental counterparts.

And in the educational realm, classrooms are moving toward digital textbooks, learning tools, math and English apps, even video conferencing for homeschool kids.

A recent Pew Research Center survey found that 58 percent of U.S. teachers own smartphones, 10 points higher than average adults, and they are building that technology into their lesson plans. The “iPad for every student” movement is gaining traction.

Another study published in the Archives of Disease in Childhood in 2013 indicated that digital games seem to affect children differently than TV, which isn’t interactive. While excessive TV watching can increase the risk for conduct problems, digital games did not.

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Source: dcourier.com

Parenting is hard. Being a child is just as difficult. And in today’s 24/7 digital world, both roles have become even trickier and more rife with conflict and confusion. It seems like every day there’s a new article about the impact of social media and other digital tools on the young developing mind — and most of it stresses the negative effects.



At a recent lecture hosted at The Fessenden School, renowned child psychologist Dr. Anthony Rao discussed the parallels between the Digital Age and the transformative changes brought on by Industrial Age. With that backdrop, he addressed the most common concerns of parents and shared a host of insights about Raising Boys in the Digital Age.

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Dr. Rao also discussed how digital media affects the mind and body. The three most common effects are:

• neuro-overstimulation which can result in insomnia and reduced attention/learning abilities
• physiological changes due to poor posture when using mobile devices along with vision issues related to prolonged staring at backlit screens
• hyper-arousal of emotions and social referencing which can lead to depression, anxiety, social aggression, and isolation

As Dr. Rao stresses in his writings and patient consultations, boys are different than girls from infancy. As such, he urged parents to not overreact when boys are simply being boys. For example, he reminded us that fidgeting is not a symptom but rather a natural characteristic of young males throughout history and around the world.

Like every aspect of parenting, Dr. Rao explained that there is no one-size-fits-all solution to successfully integrating social media into a child’s life. This is especially true in light of the four archetypes of boy thinking styles:

• The Hunter: movement-oriented and spatial thinking
• The Maker: reflective and deep thinking
• The Scout: observer and detailed thinker
• The Emoter/Performer: socially connected thinking

Recognizing these styles in your own children can provide a specific roadmap for regulating screen usage.



Dr. Rao also shared some tips for parenting effectively in the digital age that apply regardless of your child’s thinking style.

• Model healthy screen behavior. Your children are watching and learning from you.
• • Don’t multi-task. Focus on doing one thing at a time and doing it well.
• Get your family moving. We all benefit from physical activity, particularly in the outdoors.
• Screen are powerful rewards – allow only after homework and chores are done.
• Don’t let the anxiety of the digital age compromise your parenting. Trust your intuition and use your common sense.
The ultimate goal for parents is to build critical thinking and problem-solving skills that will help your children achieve personal and academic success.

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Source: fessyblog.org

A new study helps to explain how parenting affects children’s educational outcomes via relationships with peers, sexual behavior, and delinquency.



Children exposed to harsh parenting are at greater risk of having poor school outcomes.

Researchers at the University of Pittsburgh discovered that both direct and indirect effects of parenting play a role in shaping children’s behavior, as well as their relationships with peers.

The study appears in the journal Child Development.

“We believe our study is the first to use children’s life histories as a framework to examine how parenting affects children’s educational outcomes,” notes Rochelle F. Hentges, who led the study.

“In our study, harsh parenting was related to lower educational attainment through a set of complex cascading processes that emphasized present-oriented behaviors at the cost of future-oriented educational goals.”

Harsh parenting was defined as yelling, hitting, and engaging in coercive behaviors like verbal or physical threats as a means of punishment.

The researchers looked at youth who were part of the Maryland Adolescent Development in Context Study, which examined the influences of social contexts on adolescents’ academic and psychosocial development.



Researchers found that students who were parented harshly in seventh grade were more likely in ninth grade to say their peer group was more important than other responsibilities, including following parents’ rules.

This in turn led them to engage in more risky behaviors in eleventh grade, including more frequent early sexual behavior in females and greater delinquency (e.g., hitting, stealing) in males.

These behaviors led to low educational achievement (as assessed by years of school completed) three years after high school, meaning that youth who were parented harshly were more likely to drop out of high school or college.

Parenting influenced educational outcomes even after accounting for socioeconomic status, standardized test scores, grade point average, and educational values.

“Youth whose needs aren’t met by their primary attachment figures may seek validation from peers,” explains Hentges.

“This may include turning to peers in unhealthy ways, which may lead to increased aggression and delinquency, as well as early sexual behavior at the expense of long-term goals such as education.”

The study’s findings have implications for prevention and intervention programs aimed at increasing students’ engagement in school and boosting graduation rates.

“Since children who are exposed to harsh and aggressive parenting are susceptible to lower educational attainment, they could be targeted for intervention,” suggests Ming-Te Wang, associate professor of psychology in education at the University of Pittsburgh, who coauthored the study.

Programs dealing with unhealthy peer relationships, delinquency, and sexual behaviors may also play a role in increasing educational attainment, the authors note.

And teaching methods that focus on present-oriented goals and strategies (e.g., hands-on experimental learning, group activities) may promote learning and educational goals for individuals, especially those who are parented harshly.

Source: smartparenting.com